20 Kids Toys That Will Make You Cringe
Sometimes, what looks perfectly normal to a child has entirely different connotations to an adult. This can be used in kid’s movies to help keep parents entertained. When done right, a joke that’s a bit risque or offensive can help make sitting through another dumb musical cartoon a bit more bearable. Or it can backfire entirely and lead to hilarious, cringe-worthy, and offensive mishaps like these not-so-innocent children’s toys:
1. Dora’s Aquapet
Eek! Dora the Explorer might be innocent as a newborn, but this toy based on her adventures is shaped like…well, you can see for yourself!
2. God Almighty
This toy has a sliding scale of offensiveness based on your religious inclinations. To some, God and his justice-doling AK-47 are a funny joke. For others, it’s sacrilege at its worst.
3. Bruno Cat
Wish I could say I knew what the appeal of this eviscerated cat is; unless you’re child is a budding serial killer, I recommend you don’t include this in your stocking stuffers this Christmas.
4. Funny Cage Toy
The original name for this toy was going to be “Parent Sanity Container”. The name of the company, “Control Toys”, can probably clue you in to what most of their product line is all about.
5. Two Finger Squirter
You can let your kid play with this squirt gun, but you might get some rather disapproving looks from the other parents on the block!
6. Pee and Poo
I personally think these little guys are pretty cute and hey, we all do it! But you wouldn’t want your child getting the idea that it’s fun to play with the real thing, too!
7. Vibrating Nimbus 2000
Harry Potter’s world of witchcraft and wizardry is a land of fantasy, fun, and…recalled toys. This vibrating broom was part of a widely circulated rumor about its other potential uses for older children. It’s certainly not the “magical swooshing sounds” that make this toy so appealing.
8. You Can Shave the Baby
They were so concerned with whether or not you could shave the baby, they never stopped to think whether they should shave the baby.
9. Jibba Jabber
Now, what’s so wrong with this toy? Looks like an innocent doll, right? The Jibba Jabber’s main function is to, well, jabber. Shake his neck and he speaks up; problem is, he doesn’t stop speaking up until you shake his neck really, really hard. Great for teaching your tots how to choke someone out!
10. STD Plush Toys
This grown-ups-only toy is appropriate for health class or med school, but I wouldn’t want my kid snuggling up to one of them at night!
11. Jesus Robot
Another toy that could offend some people and amuse others, the Bandai God-Jesus Robot toy could, ostensibly, tell the future. Kind of like a magic 8 ball. But with way more blasphemy.
12. Shape Shifter Punisher
That’s the kind of punishment that only adults are allowed to receive!
13. Wolverine Squeak Hammer
Looks totally innocent, right? Maybe it could give you a bit of a pain in the neck if your child goes crazy with it in the house but…oh wait. Where’s the nozzle to blow it up? Right between Wolverine’s legs? Er, I don’t think I know him well enough for that.
14. E.T. Finger Light
Whoever let this one slide by the drawing board must have the mind of an angel. Or maybe just a cleaner mind than mine…
15. World Trade Center Airplane Toy
Now this one is actually painful to talk about. This toy came as a goodie in a bag of candy, appearing on shelves in 2004. The company responsible claimed they had no idea that the toy was included in the bags, and apologized profusely. As well they should have!
16. Pole Dance Doll
There’s a reason there was never a Stripper Barbie. Sure, not all pole dancers are strippers, and it’s a great toning and strength building workout. But there’s still something so, so wrong about this doll!
17. Childbirth Barbie
Perhaps she’s the natural follow-up to Pole Dance Doll? Whoever Barbie got pregnant, this educational toy will teach your kids all about the beauties of childbirth. Her stomach is magnetic and when it’s time to “give birth”, you simply detach the stomach to reveal the infant-sized doll. Come to think of it, that’s not very educational at all!
18. Poo Dough
If the name alone doesn’t clue you in, this funny version of play-dough invites creative types to make…well, let’s just say you get to make a pretty compelling replica of one of our bodies’ less savory byproducts.
19. Baby’s First Baby
Okay, I take back everything I said about Childbirth Barbie. She’s a far better role model than this doll, which brings a whole new meaning to the idea of “babies having babies”. Plus, “real pregnancy action” raises a LOT of questions in my mind.
20. Kabba Kick
Remember the Jibba Jabber, teaching kids how to strangle? The Kabba Kick teaches children how to play Russian Roulette. The real kind. With a gun. In this game, you point the “gun” to your head and one (un)lucky participant gets kicked by a pink hippo. Wooo…hoo?[tps_title][/tps_title]